Click here to learn more. A viciously intense rollercoaster of emotions and experiences is how most victims would describe their time spent with a narcissist. Recovery from narcissist abuse is just like any other form of mental or physical recovery — it takes time, work, and determination for the wounds to heal. There are so many elements of this process that it makes sense to address each one separately. This is doubly true for a narcissistic ex because of the levels of manipulation they use to induce powerful emotional states in their victims. Leaving them was no doubt a struggle in itself, but staying away from them is just as difficult.
Accept yourself, accept the situation. You did not cause what went awry, despite the impulse to want to blame ourselves and make sense of our suffering through analysis and self-criticism.
Then recognize that you were in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. That is not your fault.
Balance out your acceptance by taking some time to realize, realistically, that you chose this person.
At the same time, know that narcissists and compulsive liars are often irresistible; this is part of their charm, and the persona they create. They will try to suck you back into their web of lies and at some point, will move into attack mode, blaming you for their faults, and projecting them onto you.
Often times, we are kind people, who just want to help someone. So this time, start by being kind to yourself. When you are beating yourself up over the choice you made, STOP.
You are not to blame for being manipulated by this person. Change your words, and you will start changing how you feel about yourself and your worth. Remembering what activities and people make you feel fulfilled is a crucial step in regaining your sense of self in a deep way. Plus, you will feel happier, which will then help you regain your confidence.
It's often a strange transition to go from all of the chaos to normalcy, and it can feel frightening and unfamiliar to have this calm. There is no shame in grieving the person you were and who you left behind prior to the relationship. Know that you will be an even better version of yourself soon. It may be a small step, and that's OK. The main goal is to listen to your heart and remember, however many times you need to remind yourself, that you will find yourself again.
Sometimes, I look back upon those years of my life that I spent with my ex-husband, and I can't believe that I was in that relationship. However, now that I'm on the other side of it, I am grateful every single day. I'm here to tell you that you are not alone, unfortunately, being in a relationship with someone like this can happen to anyone. Narcissists search for people who are strong, compassionate, kind, and who can take care of their demands and child-like needs — they don't choose a partner who can't look after them.
Know, and have faith that without the chaos and trauma that comes with being someone who is a narcissist and compulsive liar, you are whole and are worthy of having a healthy and loving relationship. Plus, you will learn more than you can even imagine from the process.Love After Narcissistic Abuse – The Right Time To Start Dating Again
Functional medicine expert Will Cole tells all in his exclusive webinar. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch.
Group 11 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. If a dating partner demands you see them all the time, this is a red flag. Rather, it may be a sign of trying to control and take over your life early on. Always be wary of anyone who claims to love you within a few weeks of getting to know you. Above all, honor yourself and your instincts. They could someday save your life.
Shahida is the author of Power: She is a staff writer at Thought Catalog. They respond to consequences. You deserve the best and more… so I strongly encourage you to get this book! It took every detail from my past struggles and validated and helped make sense of everything.
Recovery from dating a narcissist
Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Here are some tips I would recommend moving forward if you do decide to venture out to the dating world again: Take the time to heal.
If you need to date someone, date yourself. Take yourself out, treat yourself as if you were someone you dearly loved and cared for.
The Rollercoaster Of Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse
Learn the art of self-compassion. Know that you are worthy and inherently loveable, regardless of your relationship status.
If you have worked on healing and are dating again, learn to trust yourself. Shahida Arabi Shahida is the author of Power: More From Thought Catalog. Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse.