I started dating a man and we have an amazing connection. I know he's not old enough to really be my father, but he's up there. But now that I am, I am so torn. Do I turn away what seems to be my perfect match because of the age gap? Let me be clear, I'm not drawn to him because he "fathers me. It's really a case of two kindred spirits being separated by a lot of numerical years.
I've always thought it's more a "compatible stage of life" issue than necessarily chronological age. If you look at this guy and easily see yourself fitting into his entire lifestyle -- including step-mothering a five-year old -- then go for it.
Make sure it's legal. Don't worry about what other people think, you'll never be happy. If you like each other, then keep up the good work!
The ugly truth about dating an older man
My mother has been living for 20 years with a guy who is two years older than I am. If the two of you are happy together, it's nobody else's business. Den Beste at 9: When I 26 I fell in love with a man who was We were together for several years and the age gap was never a problem in any way whatsoever.
Okay kind of silly but -- take the older person, divide by two, and add That's the formula for acceptable age difference. Your guy -- 46, divide by two, equals 23, plus 10, equals 33, okee-dokee.
There's no clear answer, but I think it depends on the motivations of the people involved. I half-dated someone 20 years my senior at one point, but it was a bust because he was a man who ONLY dated 20something women, and wouldn't even consider anyone older than Plus, I realized I enjoy dating someone closer to my age because I like being able to reference past events in a specific manner "dude, remember when we were 13, and Kurt Cobain died?
Makes me feel like I knew the person then, even if I didn't. This might not be the case for you, however. Some people are looking to be parent figures; some are looking to be parented, which there's nothing wrong with if that's what you want. I'd say there's no problem as long as both parties are clear on their intentions and feelings are genuine, much like any relationship.
My Dad's 13 years older than my Mom, and they worked out fine. I never noticed anything strange in their age dynamic. If you like him, and can't think of a dealbreaker not to date him, go for it. My new girlfriend is 20 years younger than me Doesn't seem to be any problem to either one of us posted by growabrain at Also, chiababe was kidding.
There is no formula for that and that was the point she was trying to make, I believe. I got married last weekend to someone 18 years older than me. We've been together 6 years so far. It's going rather well. Haven't y'all ever heard of the "rule" that chiababe posted before?
With the caveat that we're all unique, individual snowflakes who can't be reduced to anything as simple as a number, blah, blah, blah.
My parents are 12 years apart in age, and they've been going strong for 20 years. According to dad, age has never been an issue for them. You've met a nice guy who thinks you're nice too -- good luck to you both! Obviously, you can't reduce it to just numbers, but if you fall in that range, people aren't going to be thinking "that's weird. My parents have been married for over 30 years, and there's a ish year gap between them.
YMMV, of course posted by Chunder at 7: I met my beloved aged 30, he was Age differences are only a problem if there are other issues in the relationship. If you like each other, go for it! I think if you are both comfortable with it then that is half the battle. You are both established adults, it's not like you are 18 or even in your twenties. There are age brackets but I'd say once you turn 30 you can mix socially and romantically with anyone in the 40s and even young fifties.
I have lived together with a woman 9 years older than myself and have dated women 9 years younger that were mentally mature no, they weren't teenagers. If the age issue comes up often in conversations between you and he, then there could be a problem. But if both of you ignore any differences and your friends and family keep their noses out of your business then there should be absolutely no problem. I know plenty of maried people with at least a decade difference in age.
No, you take the man 's age, not the older person. You're in the clear!
As for the financial bracket, just relax and enjoy it. My sister is about 10 years older than her hubby; they have a wonderful marriage, and they are very good for each other.
This is her second time around, btw.
Older Women Dating Younger Men: Doomed from the Start or Happily Ever After in Cougarville?
Her first marriage was with a guy slightly older than she who was emotionally and psychologically still a child. Their marriage was a trainwreck.
It really depends on the individuals, not on the ages. I am 50, my boyfriend is We have been together for two years, and are planning to move in together in May, when my kids' lives are a bit more sorted out. FWIW, no one ever believes my age and he has kind of a craggy demeanor. Out in the world, we don't get a lot of second looks, we seem to fit together 'normally'.
Also, he's quite mature, somewhat reserved and I'm more, well, lighthearted and playful. My parents are gone; I guess his assume I'm older I have teenagers but probably underestimate the gap. Still, we're lucky since his family is very "if you're happy, we're happy". In the beginning, once it was clear it wasn't a fling, I was very uncomfortable -- so much so that we broke up a couple of times. I hated all my women friends with the "you go, girl" thing -- I did not want to be a character on Sex and the City.
I worried a lot about him waking up one day and wanting kids, which I wouldn't be able to give him. I was even somewhat suspicious of him for preferring me to having children.
I worried about physically aging, and losing him when I am too old or tired to get it up for another 'big' relationship and then I would end up alone. Now and again, these thoughts pop up but the reality of our love and respect and desire for one another vanquishes them pretty quickly. He hung in through my early tumultuous days of doubt, and continues to love me In my twenties, I dated a man who was eleven years my senior and it was great until I realized I was living vicariously through him.
I wanted to be where he was in his life - accomplished, more confident, and all the other things that come with additional years on the planet. What I realized is that I was trying to skip over my own twenty-something experience by coat-tailing his life.
Sure, we had the same kind of connection you speak about and I really did feel like we were kindred sprits in a lot of ways; however, the unavoidable truth was that we were at very different points of our lives. Dating an older man can be an ego boost since being wanted by someone older makes you feel more mature. I share this with you because I encourage you to ask yourself if some of his appeal lies in the simple fact that he is older.
Furthermore, other than the very obvious reasons, why is a year-old dating a year-old? Has he ever been married or in a serious committed relationship? Think about your needs and growth. Do you want to spread your wings and live the carefree singles life for a while, or are you looking to settle down into the lifestyle that he has spent the past two decades creating?
Since I realize my advice is very one-sided, and I really don't know anything about you or your love interest, I want to offer you a different perspective. I forwarded your question to Dr. Here is what she had to say: Age is just a number, but love, connection, values, compatibility and chemistry are real. And by the way, they are real hard to find in one person, so thank your lucky stars that you have found your soul mate. Celebrate your union and enjoy each moment you spend together.
A word of caution though, if you think and anticipate failure, you will surely achieve it! Twenty-something men can be immature, and probably not that sexually experienced. Of course, no reason he might not be interested in a woman under 35 if they both want children. A 40 year old man who wants children should be dating a younger woman. And I hate the word cougar. As bad as gold digger. He is very keen to pursue a relationship, I am more wary.
He prefers the company of older woman, and likes that I am self confident and independent. I have been very honest with him but he is still pursuing me.
Im in a relationship with a guy 15years younger. Im very happy, if feel loved. Never had the plessure of dating an older guy. Im Always attracting younger man.
Cant say It dies nit frustrates me. Thanks for the article It realy help in boosting My confidence and also Through the comments from others whose been in This particular relationship. I knw i should Be Open minder. Im Just taking One step at a time. I am currently dating a man 25 years younger. My friends make fun of me and my kids are freaked out. But once you find an amazing intellectual connection, you just have to go with it. We are compatible intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
And we found out in that order. He lives miles away for now, so we also have our own long distance challenges. I just wish my children would respect the fact that I am a grown woman and allowed to make my own choices.
I respect them and devoted my life to them, making huge sacrifices along the way. Cougars are older woman who look for young men for sex. That is quite offensive to those of us who are older women and have a long term serious relationship with a younger man. Kranz gmaildot com …. I am 25 years old and my gf is I do love her but Idk how to get over the age thing. I think that motherhood is very stressful sometimes and your girlfriend might be going through some tough changes, maybe at work also.
Thanks Marni and all the guys that have made comments. After my divorce a year ago, I went out on a couple of dates but never felt the connection I felt with him. Thank you for sharing! I am currently dating guy that told his true age that his is 20 yrs old. When we first met he told me that he was 24 ys old. But I he explain to me he lie because he was afraid I wouldnt talk to him he stated to me that he likes dating older women that he had alway dated older women.
I love his compaionship and he is mature for his age but deep down he is really young for me and he makes me feel good in all areas and not afraid to be with me I am 40 I dont have any children really have medical issues that I might not have children..
I want a longterm commitment and be happy. I am 43 turning 44 October. I constantly wonder when they will go back to younger girls. I have been lied to and w their tons of attempts to be used as the other woman, I have lost all faith in there being the one for me. What really worries me is the age different, how can I over come it. We have a lot in common. I found my wife on a dating website 8 years ago when I was 28 and she was She had insecurity about dating me, but I assured her that I was okay with her age.
Well, back then…I was. Now I am bored to death. And then she gets frustrated and plays with her sex toys. Besides, she is physically slowing down a lot these days, gaining weight, and I just want to do things and be active. Our lives are different, and it seems to be going downhill.
I feel horrible because I made a marriage covenant with her, but all I think about is being with someone my age or slightly younger. Bored to death with an older woman, and wish I could start over. That is the single most frustrating factor in our relationship.
He is immature… In practically everything. I have to sit and watch him make a mistake or some long winded argument about something we disagree on… when I already know where the road leads. He has a lot to learn about life which sometimes makes me feel more like a big sister than a girlfriend. Otherwise he will hold us up arguing about which direction to flee. I just started dating a guy who is 15 years younger than me. It is funny to hear that with an older man you have more chances of a good long-term relationship.
In my case, I had an older boyfriend and he was cold, treacherous and lied to me…not to mention sex quality. However, I have dated younger men and they usually are more honest about their feelings, more innocent in their love, and sex is great. With young men this question does not arise, you just live the moment. Well, this is my humble opinion. I use to give my older sister grief about her younger boyfriend. I guess I was also. However, here I am 14 months deep in a relationship with a 21 year old.
I really fought it.. What will people say?? Will I end up parenting him? Will our families accept it?? I took my time. We dated first which honestly rarely happens anymore. He kept asking to if we could eventually label it but i was still weary. Something i kind of meant. One day after 3 months of dinners movie nights and yes, over nights I realized ummm, I was all ready there. We are on the same level once you stop seeing yourself as an old wise woman and can See past the age barrier.
You open up this door like any relationship friendship into a new person. Hes Not living the dorm life. Not some crazy kid looking to get laid. They are out there though and They exist in any age group. I dont really see him as a number anymore. Because his maturity and other characteristics dont scream juivenile. In any relationship there are obstacles but you truly can not determine someones relationship worthiness by their age.
I dont own a home in Cougarville but i can tell you things are good on the other side of the fence.. After the fact, my friend learned that the much younger guy was cheating on her because their sex drives were different and she was like a mom. The other problem was that the woman, my friend, had all the money. Also, even though she was older, her boyfriend complained about how immature and flirty she was.
The other couple, also age difference fairly big, was fine. I found this out the hard way. I think I would be ok with it at my age, but when the opportunity came up I said no. Sure, why not fun for a little while, but then what? To each their own! But I learned that whoever has money has to be careful about getting taken advantage of — man or woman- and there are jerks at every age. I hate generalizations that older women are better, younger men are better, etc.
I think it might be easier for us to relate to people who are older or younger because we treat them differently. We treat older with more respect as opposed to someone young who is just as clueless as any other young person. And a difference at 30 years of age and 50 years of age relationship or 40 and 60 as the ages, is different than 20 and 45, or even 18 and I agreed to date a younger boy because we both knew he would be leaving by the summer to another state.
Unfortunately, by about 5 months into our relationship, I caught feelings, then I felt love for him, by the time the week came for him to move away, I was head over heels in love and heart broken because he was leaving.
Due to financial issues, he was only able to stay out there for one month before he came BACK! Now, he is not an evil person. I love him to death but he is from an old fashioned family, they instilled this notion that a man must marry an younger woman to keep him young. I guess my question is, how do I find the strength to let him go? What do I do? My blood cousin who is 41 is dating my 23 year old step brother. Puts the whole family in the middle of there relationship.
It makes alot of the family feel uncomfortable. A question for you… What if they break up? What if they get married? That has put our family in a really awkward position. His aunt would now become his mom and his mom would now become his aunt??? The same thing would then apply to her And I still would not be able to have a friendship or bond at all with my brother. Who cares about age? If both people are single at the time when meeting, live it up and enjoy life while you can. I met a young man a year ago.
He said he was older and I said I was younger. We clicked and one night ended up being a lot of nights together.. I quickly worked out he was much younger 20…. Time passed a year later…in fact Last week we had the strangest argument over nothing which led him to or about to tell me he how he felt about me.
I stopped him and blurted out that i was 48 not He laughed but was thinking deeply. I told him that our relationship had limits.. I could never meet his parents. After a few minutes he said.. Because in the end..
We clicked and one night ended up spending a lot of time together.. I could never meet his family nor he mine. However, the contrary can be the case once you decide to get married to someone older than you. An older woman will always want to appear superior even when they actually know that they are not.
I am now When I was 39 I met mat. It started out as a little summer fling. Well 4 months into it I fell pregnant. I had our first at 40 and our second at We are having problems now that I think can not be fixed. I will warn you of the age difference. We have had more downs than ups. And yes babies make it harder. Hi, I am 33 years young, good body, good heart, caring, passionate, good listener, honest, and soul winning. I only want true woman with true love.
Age has nothing to deal me but your inner beauty is very important which is your heart. My problem is I am black and some women look down on me. Please tell me what can I do? Is there any woman in this world who will ever accept me for who I am? I was born in Africa and still lives in Africa but not a gold digger,just looking for a good partner who can complete me.
Maybe my miracle can come this time. I had past long relationships with older men but none of them worked. I never liked the term cougar cause I have never ever preyed on younger men. This guy is my first younger man relationship and I have made a tremendous amount of thinking before plunging in this relationship. He has pursued me but we have been friends for 2 years prior.
I can say that ours worked because i think he has an old soul and I have a young spirit and we meet halfway. I also was not married, no kids. Ihave never really had a problem at all about us and never given a flying fuck what my family and friends have thought as I live the life I want.
It has taken its toll on him as I also found myself unemployed after years of earning a high wage, he supported me for 3mths while I was unemployed, as I supported him at one stage too. Now that im back working part time he made an agreement with the family to end our relationship to which we are about to do as I agreed to it because of his family pressure. Marni, Thanks for the great article. I would appreciate yo insight in to my situation. I turned 40 three months ago, recently divorced with 2 kids.
I have met a lovely young man who will be turning 36 later in the year. He is at a stage where he is wanting to settle down and have his own family. But he is still studying to be a doctor and has 3 more years to go.
He has been honest from the very beginning about the fact that he wants to start a family soon but he is not comfortable with the fact that he is not in full time employment yet. The other concern he has raised is the fact that age seems to be against us and he wishes to have his first baby with me soonest.
My main concern is that we have just begun our relationship and now there is the issue of the biological clock ticking ; he has been honest to tell me he wishes to have 2 kids. I fear that we may rush to a commitment and having children and then later on he realises it was a rushed decision yet he so much wishes to settle down right at this moment.
Call them Cougars, call them awesome women, one thing is for sure: I trust them far more than younger women. Im married to an amazing woman thats 8 years older than me. The sex is perfect we do our best to please eachother and for 10 years and going we are happy. Sure having a familly has its ups and downs but through our solidarity,friendship and love we managed to turn negatives into positives and succeed in live and careers….
He is sweet kind and caring though after three months I feel like his interest may be waning he used to. I am worried that as I become more attached he is becoming more disinterested.
I really appreciate it…: Hello, I am 46, I get told I look 33, and my boyfriend is We have been dating and living together for a couple of months. We both have stated our needs. I have already been married and have children older than him.
As i said we have discussed this. I am his second love but first as an adult. He is mature for his age. I have never felt so loved by a guy before. I feel amazing with him and he says he loves me and I am amazing too.
I am a bit curious if the relations of others in our lives will frown on this. My kids and his mom. His mom does not know about me. That does hurt a bit, I want him to be open about this. Should we tell anyone about our relationship? We cannot help who we love.
We get along great and we compliment each other. It helps that we have music and movies to name a few things in common. I am trying to keep an open mind in-case he does want to move on. But we have talked openly about this. So we both know. Help we are in love but too nervous to tell anyone that might be upset. Thank you for your question!
My advice is to have a conversation with her. Ask her what she wants for her future. Share with her what you want. See if those two visions meet somewhere in the middle.
And please let me know how it goes!! Thank you so much for your comment! And I agree with you, trust and respect are paramount to a healthy and happy relationship. Please keep reading and commenting!
It sounds like the two of you should have a conversation about the future. Ask him what he sees for himself over the next few years, and listen to his answer. The best solution here is to have an honest and open conversation! Its encouraging to read about others success with May-December romances! I was unhappily married to a man my same age for 12 years. I am currently living with a gorgeous man who is 15 yrs younger than me. He is divorced with one child. He was the one that pursued me, and the one that moved the relationship from the casual stage to talking about spending our lives together.
I cannot agree more with the suggestions about keeping your feminine, allowing them to be the alpha male, and letting them lead and help you in your life. With my younger man I accentuate my feminine by cooking for him, making his lunches, ask him for help with things around the house, let him pay for all of our food, our entertainment, etc. I ask his opinion, I often follow his advice. We debate routinely over differences of opinion, we both apologize to each other for things we do wrong, and neither of us makes a major decision without including the other.
My decision to give into my feminine and let him lead me is no different than the way my mother interacts with my father who is 8 yrs older than she is.
They have been happily married 47 years. She is neither weak, nor stupid… she just knows the value of embracing her feminine and supporting my fathers need to be a man. I am softer, kinder and happier than I have ever been before letting my younger man take the lead. Marni, First, great article, stuff like this is what makes the internet great, and thank you for the insight. Maybe you can offer insight…. This is my first trip into a relationship where the calendar number differs more than character.
And I mean that. Our last evening out was very touchy feely, and I was getting good vibes off of her. According to her, the only thing she has a hang up on is the age difference. I am 35 years old and there is this guy, who is 23 years old that I really like. I am divorced and that really hurted me and closed me up to many things. So I recently decided I am ready and he is the first one I have liked for so long. I really want to get married and have a family, and I really like him, I am just not sure we could make it together.
BTW he is serious about this. After a separation and a failed 7 years relationship, met him. I have 3 children ages 17, 12 and 3.
We meet when ever he is in town. I want to thank every one who posted on this site, your experiences and comments have been of great help to me. I thank the host for providing proffessional advice on dating younger man.
I believe our relationship will work out because we have alot in common. I believe that trust and respect are vital in any relaionship. I have been dating a guy who is 28 — I am We are coming up to our first anniversairy. I think it has lasted as long because we have had no expectations or put any demands on each other. However we have loved every minute together, never argue and are absolutley in love for the first time for both of us.
We never feel any age issues although I have a very young outlook so mix with his friends and party like I used to but need much more recovery time plus have my own kids to look after.
Sadly he is leaving to move to Canada next year and I would never stop him as it was always his plan and he needs to lead his life. I cant imagine how devastated I will be at that time. After so many years and many many admirers, I have never felt the wish to let myself get into a romantic relationship unless he is THE ONE.
Whilst age doesnt matter — life plans do. And my man is 35 years old. We have a very hot and heavy relationship. He likes to sweeze my tits, my ass… every part of my body.
And it makes me feel good! He fucks me right, he licks me right, he eats me right… He makes a woman feel good!! So yaw need to find one like I got!! Hopefully that gets the lines of communication flowing so the two of you can work toward a compromise! I met my friends neighbor a few months back, and was immediately smitten with him. He currently lives with his older sister temporarily and we all know each other, hang out, go out, all get along, etc….
I did not know the feeling was mutual until we were at my friends one night having a few drinks and he kissed me. It just progressed from there. At first I was bothered by the age difference, but not so much now. What are his needs and wants, and how can you create a solution together? I am 40 and my boyfriend is 21 we have been together two years , he has just now decided to start trying to tell my kids what to do..
Love him but they are not going to listen to him do i cut my losses and run? I would just advise you that not all men are going to have that same issue about age and children.
I have been thru 2 divorces and 1 long term relationship. I have 2 grown children. He currently is going thru a divorce with no children. We met accidentally and both were in awe of each other. I have never met anyone like him. After a few serious dates he drops me over the kid issue. I just never thought age could matter, but to him it does. Please keep reading and commenting, and let me know if you have any questions! It sounds like your boundary is working for you, I just warn you against being too strict with it.
You never know, you could meet a super sophisticated, content, successful, and experienced 37 year old. I am 42 and have never dated a man younger than me, until recently. I actually usually attract men 10 to 15 years older than me. Within the last six months though, I have been approached by several guys who look to be at least in their mid to young 30s.
I decided to give one guy who is actually 13 years younger than me a chance because he actually has been trying for at least 3 to 4 years our families know each other. I must say that I am truly enjoying the experience but am nervous about the age issue. Your article has been extremely helpful. I love the idea of staying in my feminine. Thank you for the article. As a 49 yr old, I find myself attracted to younger men because I have more energy than men my age, or those slightly older.
A younger man who is 40, or 41 or 42, is at a different place than someone 30, 31 or They have spent time on their careers; they may have already been married once. So younger is all relative in terms of where each person is.VGA 43 - Tamagotchi Game to Sean Hannity Dating Site Profile
I would date someone in their low 40s, but not someone who is more than 10 yrs younger. The life stage and relationship readiness differences are too great.
Zita, I have not experienced a younger man yet but I agree with you, it depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. Peter — I can feel your passion on this subject. Kids and age are two things that need to be talked about on a couple by couple basis. What happens when he wants kids?? What do you tell him?? He makes me smile and we have been together for 4 months. Trust me by the way he looks he can date anyone and I am very secure plus nobody believes I am 32 I do look We age well in my family.
But He is attracted to me being secure and confident. If we have any disagreements we get over it pretty quickly and laugh about it. We still till this day act like we just started dating. We click so well and talk about everything.
Trust me we both were concerned about our ages but our friends and families are okay with it. Good luck to all but trust me it took a not for me to consider dating him. Hey if older men can date younger women why not us?: I am 25, dating a woman who is I have spent good times with her two children, 11 and I recently purchased a beautiful home, will fund it myself, and see it as a potential homestead.
As mentioned in your article, the older woman is emotionally secure and has a good bearing on who she is. A man at any age desires to feel admired and needed by the woman he loves.
An older woman may be fully self-sufficient, but she would do well to understand how her man is hard-wired. There you have a winning combo. Have you seen the statue of Atlas in front of Rockefeller Center, Manhattan? What is Atlas without his globe?
27 dating 43
I have never really dated anyone my age or older since I turned I am now 51 and still dating younger. My relationship now is wonderful, he is 20 years younger and we are as happy can be.
But I am continuing on. Just keep an open mind, stay in your feminine and graciously receive. Good luck and keep me posted! Keep reading and commenting! This article came at the perfect time. I just met a really wonderful man who is 13 years younger than me. I am dating a younger man. Took me some convincing. Fear that he will leave me for prettier and younger, more fit. I see him checking out girls sometimes. I also am his first love. I try to be present and experience everything.
Once i gave my jealous the boot and started to believe him, we get along great. We just celebrated our anniversary — the first one i have every had but ive never been married either.
And thats my first celebrated anniversary??? He would marry me if i let him. I am soooo appreciative of him, his gifts, his attention, i do my best to treat him well. I get to mold him — i accept his honesty. I have a choice in how i want it to be. I let him lead or at least i try.