Dating is never easy. Figuring out ways to meet new people, knowing the right things to say, and deciphering the best methods to impress a potential mate can be confusing and overwhelming. While I count myself lucky that I haven't been on the market for several years I swear I'm not rubbing it in , many of my friends have become increasingly frustrated by how difficult dating is, especially after But what makes dating after 30 different from dating in your 20s? Turns out, there's a lot.
According to the Pew Research Center , the average age for marriage in the United States in was 27 for women and 29 for men, so by the time we hit 30 a lot of our friends and potential mates are already in committed relationships.
This means that the dating pool after 30 isn't quite what it used to be. Laura Ryan , a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified hypnotherapist, and certified Imago Relationship Therapist agreed. After 30, many experts agree that women are more interested in commitment than ever before. They expect to discuss living together after nine months of dating and want to get engaged within 18 months," said Dr. Jess O'Reilly , Astroglide's resident sexologist.
Rhonda Milrad, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the relationship app Your Sage , agreed, telling me that after 30, people are looking for a life partner. You did not feel the pressure to start thinking about what city you wanted to end up in and the age by which you wanted to have your first kid," Milrad said. It isn't just that the dating pool is smaller after 30, it's also that your brain has literally changed since you were 21 and sidling up to the hottie at the bar.
People discover what they want and start seeking partners who can give it to them. Because your goals after 30 may be quite different than your dating goals from your 20s, dating apps may not be the best bet for meeting people.
The apps are millennial focused and there is a current 'hookup' movement, which you will be mixed up in on the apps," said certified international dating and relationship Megan Weks. The best way to find out is to ask!
Brandyce Stephenson, the owner of a marketing consulting business and self-proclaimed "single gal in her 30s" who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida agreed. She told me that traditional dating apps don't have what she's looking for. While dating in your 20s may mean a lot of compromise and dating people who have very different values than you, by the time you hit 30 those days are over.
Most people go through a re-evaluation of life around early 30s on what they really care about and what they want they want out of life," said Dr. Wyatt Fisher , a licensed psychologist in Colorado and founder of a niche dating site. One of the downsides of being more set in your ways and knowing exactly what you want is that you may not seem quite as fun to some potential mates as women in their 20s appear.
Younger women are perceived as more 'fun' with fewer expectations and a more youthful appearance and body. Ryan said that many men even limit their online dating searches to only women up to age 35, regardless of how old they are themselves. Another reason that men may start dating younger women after 30 is that we tend to have a bit more baggage the older we are.
This isn't limited to women so you'll need to ready to deal with some baggage in your own potential partners too, like past relationships and maybe even kids from prior relationships. Some of these might not have ended amicably, and could have involved being cheated on or feeling violated in another way. This can sometimes lead to fear in a new relationship, and past fears can haunt new relationships," said Candice A.
The Dating Power Flip at Age 30
When you're set in your ways and looking to find someone your own age, one of the best ways to do that may be doing something you love. Chances are, if someone else is doing it too, you may have more in common. The 30 somethings tend to do activities they enjoy that offer exposure to other singles like, running groups, art classes or volunteering," said Jaime Bernstein, a senior matchmaker for the professional matchmaking startup Three Day Rule.
But how can you find new activities and meet new people with shared interests?I Want Kids But My Husband Is Twice My Age - EXTREME LOVE
It turns out, networking isn't just for finding a new job! The great thing about networking is that even if you don't meet the one , you gain a ton of other benefits like improving your small-talk skills, trying new restaurants, and maybe even doing something you've never done before. Sheyla Ventura, who is a brand coordinator for a dating app in New Zealand thanks to all of her personal experiences with other dating apps, told me that "networking has surprisingly become a thing" adding that when you share things in common, it's easier to find a more compatible person.
Speaking of dating apps, just because the typical ones like Tinder and Bumble may not be ideal for women over 30, that doesn't mean there aren't apps out there. Dating app users tend to say that there's a dating app for everyone, and it's true," said Gabriel Rotman, one of the co-creators of Jabo , a dating app designed around doing things specifically with people over 30 in mind.
Dating over the age of 30
If you're an audiophile, there's an app to meet other audiophiles, and so on. Every Sunday I put out a curated list of the best stories in infosec, technology, and humans to over 20K people. Why Women Lose the Dating Game I just saw the above article about how women are losing the dating game. Courtship really is a harsh petri dish of evolutionary psychology.
My observations In general, men pursue beauty while women pursue capability. And as such, women largely focus on how to appear attractive, while men largely focus on how to appear powerful. Unfortunately this requires some significant changes to humanity, namely: People not having the evolutionary drive to compete for reproduction opportunities.
People not having vastly different capabilities. People not having vastly different beauty. Those women are getting what they deserve!