Men, why aren't you guys into dating female doctors! Not trying to generalize all men here just a problem that I have had. So I'm a 33 year old female who thinks I might be getting to the point in my life where I'm getting ready to find someone to settle down with. I work in family medicine, pull around k a year have a good bit of debt from medical school though. I'm kind of a yuppie.
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What is her deal? I leave the two of them alone to connect, and I watch her body language. She stands there like she would rather be somewhere else. Another great opportunity missed. The female doctor continues to ask if I know anyone at all with whom I could set her up.
Men need a clue that you would be open to going out with them. Be expressive, smile a lot, and give out a sweet vibe. The dates will come. Pay attention to your body language. This applies to all women; however, particularly to female doctors. You will get old. The boobs will sag. The deep wrinkles and jowls will come—sooner than you think. If you were always the one trying to catch the guy—when the going gets tough at work, with the kids, or your physical appearance starts to show the signs of age—he may bolt.
The happiest female doctors I know were pursued by their spouses, not the other way around. The fact that a man really worked hard to earn your love will permeate your relationship.
He will continue to work hard to keep you happy. When you pretend to be someone else, you will become exhausted trying to keep the interest of your man. Judge the Men You Date by their Mommy: Sorry if this is a bit controversial, but this is a very common factor that was missed when divorced couples analyze their failed relationships. Of course it is true that not all men are in love with their Mommies, and that many men want to marry the polar opposite of their moms.
However, many men expect you to be just like their Mommy at home whether you like it or not. Was she a homemaker or a leader? Was she ambitious, did she sacrifice everything in her life for her husband, was she abused by her husband?
The famous pop singer, Chris Brown, was abused as a kid. He also grew up with it. He became abusive to his own girlfriend even though he himself grew up loathing the horrible treatment he received. If a man grew up with Mommy staying at home all day and all night—he may not be able to handle your career as a doctor, and that can lead to major marital problems down the road.
Most men don't date or marry according to social or economic status - they date according to who they are attracted to and who makes them feel good about themselves. I didn't marry my wife because of how much or how little she made - it wasn't a factor in any way - I married her because she makes me feel like the person that I want to be. As for what you're doing wrong Your post doesn't really give enough information to offer any sound advice.
What's funny is that before I read this part of your post I was going to say that the guys you want married the hot school teachers. Your problem is that you're trying to date like a man and that won't work for obvious reasons. Most men don't care about a woman's salary.
Single Female Doctors: The Top 5 Dos and Don’ts to Finding the Right Guy
They care that she is attractive, charming, complementary, and a host of other characteristics that have nothing to do with economic status.
You, however, have focused only on your status as a doctor. No where in your post did you talk about what you have to offer anyone else beyond that, and, frankly, no man gives a shit that you are a doctor. What does that do for him? You need to understand that your male equivalent can land girls that are younger, cuter, and more fertile than you, and they probably are aren't anywhere near as stuck up as you've come across in your post. You probably have a better shot with a something doctor to whom you are a younger woman.
You won't get them. You can probably get with the wealthier guys that aren't as genetically blessed. Get out of your extremely limited social circle and meet other people.
You may find that there are equally educated and hard-working people in less lucrative fields that you can still enjoy a "certain lifestyle" with.
Most importantly, figure out what you bring to the table beyond an income. What do you actually do? How are you fun? What makes you educated beyond your medical degree? And work with patients who are sick and potentially dying. My brother is a doctor and I could never deal with the mind set he has when he comes home every day.
I tried dating outside my financial league a few times, I was working in warehousing and moonlighting as a bar bouncer on weekends. These career driven women: I'm fit, I've got good stories, I like to think I'm generally a good guy with wisdom.
But I was never career driven. I made enough to sock away for small future investments and a modest comfortable life.
I didn't want anything more. Ultimately my vision of happiness was not their vision of happiness and things just didn't work.
Where is the man who's supposed to make that happen. Number 1 - It's ageism. I'm just as guilty of this as the next guy - it's just more appropriate for a man in his 30s to date a woman in her 20s. Early 30s women have a much smaller pool of men who are willing to date them, whereas early 20s women have a much larger pool. Number 2 - My friends have dated women who are doctors and nurses, and to be honest, the hours you guys keep are brutal.
Whether you are a male or female, it's hard to date someone who is doing multiple shifts and coming home dog tired. My best friend dated a doctor doing her rotation, and all she wanted to do was slip into pajamas, order a cheese pizza, and watch movies. That gets old after awhile. Number 3 - You're probably only meeting men who are also in the medical field. That's a tough pool to fish from.
So it's going to take extra work to reach outside of your medical circle. And online dating is a total crapshoot - you're going to get all types of guys out here, and it's hard to dig through what can sometimes feel like the bargain bin of dudes. You just have to work a little harder to find them due to your age and to your field of work. Epilogue - I remember reading somewhere on this subreddit a comment about how dating for a woman in her 30s is like dating for a man in his 20s.
It's tough out there, and you gotta work at it a lot harder than a younger woman might have to. Have faith and put yourself out there as much as you can. Here we have the problem.
I'll tell you what matters to men, attraction-wise: You have money and status, which is nice, but no man is going to be attracted to that. You are 33 and want a man that makes quite a bit, which means you are now competing with younger women that can have just as much of a good personality as you. And you are a busy.
A busy professional life means we wouldn't get to see you too much, which heavily complicates growing a relationship. They know that being a doctor means you wouldn't have much time for them. You're thinking like a woman about this. Men want an attractive which often means youthful partner with a personality that matches theirs, not one with a matching wallet.
You are competing against younger, more attractive women and the only positive point you seem to credit yourself with is one that the large majority of men don't give a shit about. If you want a man with a similar income, a man that is highly desired by most women, you gotta come up with something that you have that they don't and that men want. Traditionally female tasks are a good beginning. No such thing as a man that isn't attracted to a woman that cooks well, for example.
Sorry if I sound harsh, btw. You just heavily misunderstood what men are attracted to and I can get a bit ranty there. Didn't mean it as an attack. My brother in law is one of my best friends, he makes my sister happy, he's a wonderful father, and he's everyone's favorite neighbor.
He leads by example, and they've raised the kind of kids who will do things like shovel the snow off their elderly neighbor's stairs without being told to do it. When she was single, we spoke many times about what she wanted, and the top of her list was always "someone who would love and respect her". Well, that's what she found. Throw away your job req, and think about your feelings for someone to grow old with. So basically, here's what the deal would be for a man.
We're not stupid; we know that "settle down" means "get married and have children". There's three possible scenarios from this:. A You stop working and look after the kid. This means that he becomes a wage-slave to a woman who is used to a K salary and all the trappings thereof, as well as responsible for the sizable debt incurred along the way to that salary.
B He stays home with the kid, and you stay working. Y'know all that hard work you put in to becoming an MD? He worked just as hard, and you'd be asking him to walk away from that. Furthermore, this is a precarious position for a man, as male unemployment is a larger predictor of divorce than even marital unhappiness. Also, the likelihood of a deadbeat chronically unemployed man receiving custody of his children in the event of a divorce is marginal indeed.
C Hire some sort of nanny or daycare service, and both of you remain working. This would result in an exhausted wife returning home from the long clinic hours, guilty over the fact that she is not raising her own children, and intent upon compensating for that by prioritizing them over her husband.
He works all day long for a wife that doesn't pay attention to him, and children he never sees. I am more than open to dating a guy that makes less than me as long as he and I were around the same economic class if that makes sense.
So you expect an affluent man in his 30's, whose spending power and class can attract a large selection of women, would choose one of the above scenarios. You can see the dilemma. Part of it is your age. I'm in my mid 20s and tend to go for slightly younger or the same age.
I've dated a few women around your age and did not enjoy the experience. Also, at least from my experience, what you make matters very little from a dating perspective. I have a regular schedule with 40 hour workweeks. I wouldn't want to commit to a relationship where I see my partner once every blue moon.
Maybe you're not interesting? Too consumed with work? Off putting or demanding? I don't know, but I'd say your work hours are more of an issue than your income, as well as your age. The issue is not so much that you are making a lot of money. It is that doctors do not have time to commit to forming a dating relationship. And what money issues there are seem to be on your end wanting a person who is making twice what most people make.
That is a sought after group and one that your time limitations simply put you at a disadvantage with. This is going to sound harsh. Its not that men aren't into dating doctors, its that these men you've been looking at haven't been interested in you, specifically. There's probably personal reasons why, maybe they didn't feel the chemistry, maybe they wanted someone hotter. But that's neither here nor there.
The greater issues are that you're a young doctor who has very deliberately and purposefully set aside relationships with the express purpose of furthering your career.
There is nothing wrong with this, and kudos to you for making it where you want to be. But you have an enormous time investment being a doctor and have demonstrated that that IS your priority.
That's something men will consider, particularly if they have a tough time getting to spend time with you.
Second, and far more detrimental is that you're looking at men and adding up a bunch of quantitative factors to determine whether they meet your standards.
Consciously or not men will pick up on this. You want a man that makes such and such money or is financially in the same bracket as you. You're a friggin doctor. Most men that are going to be financially in the same bracket as you aren't going to have the TIME to date you, because your schedules won't coincide.
The most you'd be able to manage is casual. That's why a lot of the teachers get dates. They're great people, and they have the time that you don't. But here's the rub, you refuse to date someone who doesn't have a degree. Alright, that's your choice, but a degree is an arbitrary measure of intelligence. Talk to people and work on recognizing whether someone has actual intelligence when you speak to them, stop basing it on their degree.
If you want to use it as a gauge for how driven this guy is then find out what his goals are, how he's working to achieve them, what he has achieved already. THAT is more important than a degree. Its not them, its you and them together 2. You're judging men quantitatively, learn to get to know men qualitatively. I don't know about your practice, but the majority of doctors that I know have a shitty ass schedule, leading to a work-heavy lifestyle.
This leads to someone who is difficult to date. Let's also look at the fact that you're actively looking to start a relationship at 33 after light dating and no serious relationships. That's pretty far behind the curve. People your own age most likely have several serious relationships behind them. Some are already done with their first marriage. Do you talk about kids? At 33, if you're going to do it, then you have about 2 years.
How do you discuss it with your dates? If they don't want kids NOW, then they're out.Dating Advice : How to Date a Doctor
If you don't want kids and they do then they're out. How do you act on these dates? You admit that you've not been in a lot of relationships. Maybe you're tossing out a bunch of red flags and don't know it. Okay sorry for the income part, it seems like women that make less often have a bigger dating pool.
I did have a serious relationship that started in college that lasted 5 years that was going to go on till marriage, however he ended up leaving to go to Sweden and I wanted to finish up medical school.
That's primarily the reason why I decided to keep things casual till I was done medical school so I didn't have to get tied down and not be able to explore my career. For the children part, I thought ahead and froze my eggs so I can have children way up till my late 40s. Dates wise I am a nice girl if that makes sense. I am not one of those girls that expect the guy to be happy just because I showed up.
I always offer to split the check, even invite guys over for food. They have exactly the same dating pool. You need to realise that this is a restriction that you are placing on yourself. Women who make less also have more time due to easier career paths.
They go to bars and clubs, they meet more guys, and so they have a larger dating pool. Does your practice allow you more time away? Or are you working 6x13 hour weeks? So you do plan on having kids.
Have you considered what your plans for child care would be? Would you cut back on your practice? Do you talk to your dates about kids? Or do they bug out before that? It's hard to tell what kind of warning signs someone is exhibiting.
It might be a good idea to set yourself up on a double date and have a friend let you know if you're waving a red flag and don't know it. I personally am not a big fan of clubs or bars I only really go when my friends strong arm me in to going. I prefer to meet people at social gatherings that my friends throw.
My point was that because they go out more and meet more people, then their dating pool is larger. And I mentioned child care, because these are questions that he's going to be thinking. Along with the "will she want kids" bomb. And let's face it, up until now you've been married to your work, so the idea that you'll cut back suddenly won't occur to most people. If I take a girl out and she offers to help with the check, it shows respect.
It shows that she knows that I work for a living as well. It shows that I am not looking simply for a woman to keep as property but someone who understands there is a give and play in any relationship. Agreed, the offer is nice. I make a great deal more than my partner, and I generally pay for us. I occasionally find that she settles things when I'm not looking It's also pretty sweet though, and lets me know she doesn't take me for granted.
The societal expectation that the men out earn their partners might have something to do with it. That's going to severely limit your choices.
Dating a doctor woman
A good looking guy in your general age range whose income is on the higher end of the scale is very likely to already be in a relationship. Even among guys who aren't in relationships, there are just fewer young people making really good money than in the past. All of that talk about the contracting middle class isn't a joke.
Lots of people have less. Judging their standard of character and datability by their income seems like a really good way to severely restrict your choices.
Are you attractive, are you pleasant to be around, can you benefit someone else's life, are you hitting on guys?
A rich woman can be as much of a gold digger as a poor woman. Most guys don't are about a woman's job or how much money she makes as long as he likes her. I am sure there is a lot more at play, both with context, the guys you are seeing, and maybe even you, but the biggest impression I got from reading your long question was that you sound very hung up on money and status. Even if you are "willing" to date a man who does not make as much as you, you are still creating a situation where you are very concerned about money and social status right off the bat, before even getting to know the guy.
I think it may be less your career choice, and more your approach to a person's worth being tied to such material things may be rubbing some of these guys the wrong way. While it is prudent to have potential financial issues and even compatibility issues that come from different "social scenes" coming together in the back of your mind, they should not be the end-all-be-all of navigating the dating world. You are effectively casting such a highly-specific net, that your dating pool is effectively nil.
Your choice is to either keep your high standards and accept the low yield and high risk of a type II error in partner selection, or see where you can broaden those filters and take a chance on more guys a bit different than what you are currently looking for. You need to find a guy in the medical field, and preferably one that works with you. All of the physicians I work with seem to date nurses or other physicians.
It's great that you're a physician, but the power and prestige that come with that are things that women tend to like in men, not the other way around. Some men consider dating a women who makes more money than them to be emasculating. But mostly it's not even that men dislike or are unappreciative of a hardworking girl. It just doesn't do anything for you in terms of sexual, relationship-type attraction. It's a neutral quality. Straight, masculine men are attracted to their opposite--femininity.
They want cute, bubbly, and sweet women. It doesn't mean you can't be hardworking and disciplined, just that you'll need to be more than that to get the guys. I feel like Female Doctors want alpha males. They want men who are confident, good looking, tall and have careers. Also Dating is a skill that you have not been working on. Those women who make less money have been developing their social skills.
They understand dating better then you. I'm not saying you can't find a good man that loves you; but the moment you put a number like 90k a year or college educated; you are limiting yourself heavily. You really need to look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with what you are looking for; because I think you are lying to yourself.
You and other women mistake incompatability and disinterest as intimidation. It must be a way for you to tell yourself that it's them and not you. There are red flags that most guys pick up and know their time and rresources will be better spent elsewhere. You sound like a gold digger - Again, your post is heavy on financial status and class.
Yeah you earn more than most men, but you give off the impression that their wallet is just as important as their personality. Guys want a girl that looks good, is sexually compatible, and takes care of them.
We hunt for food, you nurture us and show us love. You're trying to attract bears with more bears instead of honey. Most guys don't care about money. We just want to fight, fuck and eat. The reason we bust our asses at work is to attract women. Now you come along trying to sell us on something that isn't very important. Race and background - Probably will get me downvotes due to controversy.
You said you were Asian American. Is your preference white guys? Again just an assumption, but I've noticed Asian American women primarily date white guys. If so your dating pool just got much smaller with more competition. Men with specific physical traits that make over k a year are few and most often their money and status gives them a lot of options.
You have to re - evaluate your options. You can stick to your guns and hopefully get what you want, or concentrate more on personality and compatability. It sounds like you are asking men to look beyond gender norms to be attracted to you. At the same time you feel entitled to a traditionally attractive male with high income, education, or career aspirations.
Consider looking for successful men that are older than you or lower your standards for similarly aged men. Maybe that will require looking outside of your social circle which can provide some nice perspective on life. You waited too long. Your 20's are your best most fertile most attractive years.
You spent those years "forming casual relationships nothing really with a future" while also getting your education. Which is cool great, but your male classmates have a very blatant edge on the dating market when they have the same degree and are older.
You also need to lower your standards a lot.
Like a lot a lot. I'm not saying to settle for the first bum that winks at you and asks for some change but if you're trying to find someone around the same economic class as you you're gonna have a bad time. I want you to understand what I'm saying. You have a 33 year old but he's a male who has the same degree and is making the same amount of money as you, explain to me why he would date a woman in her 30's when there are much more attractive 24 year olds that are falling from the rafters to get to him?
I'm not trying to put you down or insult you, but him choosing an older woman when there are clearly much better options is insane. Unfortunately, you have a few things working against you, but none of them insurmountable. We can address each one separately. If the issue is that you are a doctor and make a lot of money, then I would simply say that you hide that fact until you get to know someone better.
You don't have to lie, just don't advertise it. When asked you simply say "I do alright" or "I work in health care. What would be more of a problem is if you were unwilling to date anyone who didn't make similar amounts to you. Certainly, having the same social class background is generally a good idea, but having a minimum income number is a very bad idea.
Many people value things greater than money, and for those people the fact you make a lot is nice, but not that big a deal. Hell, if your real issue is to start a family, I would actually look for a guy with great parenting skills yet does not have an amazing job and thus would be willing to give it up to be a stay at home dad.
If the issue is your age, you have a few options. First, understand that dating at 33 is harder than 23, even for people who aren't doctors. Your standards need to change to reflect changes in people around your age. You need to consider dating a wider age range maybe , dating people who have been married before divorced or widowers , or people who already have kids either visitation, joint custody, or single dads. If you don't, you are going to increasingly find less and less potential partners.
If the issue is that you don't have a lot of serious relationship experience, all you can do is get started dating.
This can only come from actually being in serious relationships and learning how to make them work or what you can't make work , so you need to just keep trying. Even if a guy isn't your perfect ideal, a serious relationship with him might still work out or at least be a good experience. If you issue is exposure not meeting enough guys , then just try new things. You are doing online dating which can help, but look at other avenues. Perhaps your friends, family members, or coworkers or their significant others know someone single that they could set you up with.
Or perhaps there are "Singles' Night" for professionals in your community.