Among the frustrating patterns that we can experience is the allure of the infamous bad boy. The bad boy is confident. One of the reasons that bad boys are so attractive in the first place is that they exude magnetic confidence. Law of intermittent rewards. The unpredictability of it makes us want to keep trying since things are so fun and amazing when the bad boy makes an effort. He says what we want to hear.
The bad boy shows us how great it COULD be with him, then invariably snatches it away, making us want to push to get him back.Why We're Always Attracted To The Wrong Guy
But he hints that he will, so the cycle of push and pull continues. Dating drama is addictive.
Sometimes when we court relationships with a lot of conflict because conflict is distracting. Drama provides a temporary refuge from real life.
Instead of focusing on what we really want, drama lets us stall. Drama is creative life fulfillment procrastination. The bad boy plays right into this— since he can be relied on to provide heaps of upheaval and potential devastation— derailing our true plans and ambitions.
How To Quit The Bad Boys Once And For All
Sometimes despite our best efforts, we keep attracting the same kind of guy over and over. This usually happens until we put in firm boundaries that disqualify people who show signs of being bad for us. If you continually find yourself with these characters, there were likely red flags flying in the beginning that you blew right past.
If you sense that Mr. Sex Bomb is a player, listen to your intuition. Watch for grandiose stories and large gestures meant to win you over. Chemistry can grow as you get to know someone better. Prevent this by getting passionate about creating an awesome life of your own.
Stop writing off stable men as boring. Okay, repeat after me: If you go against this pattern or feel yourself getting sucked in by the same tactics, take a step back. The bad boy will try to move things along at his own pace— so slow way down. He was a marketing agent she'd worked with regularly on a campaign. He started to phone her, and the attraction felt relaxed. There was a highly complementary sexual magnetism. They start to have this casual relationship - three or four days together that were pure bliss: Unfortunately, just as she was beginning to relax inside the affair, he began to drink more and more.
He started to act out, hurling abusive remarks at her.
His behavior then followed a predictable outline. Filled with remorse, he apologized profusely, took her to dinner to make his amends face to face. But then halfway through this apology, he glared at her coldly and burst out-of-the-blue: To most of us, leaving may seem like a no-brainer; yet her actions were pulling her full speed ahead into a lust ridden 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' scenario.
It didn't matter how well or how little she knew him beforehand. It became a whole different ball game when they got intimate.
How to stop dating bad guys
Stephanie was in deep trouble. She was hurting herself by her decision to condone his emotionally abusive behavior. She was afraid to acknowledge the dance, the neediness, and the manipulation. For her, losing him created the sense of falling into a black hole, unable to pull back.
Here's How to Stop Dating Bad Boys
She began to lose her grip and mourn for the good relationship they had briefly shared, tormenting herself with questions and nostalgic answers: I want it back.
I told her, "You're addicted to the idea of a soul-mate.
You're addicted to the romance rather than to the person. You need to treat this as an addiction. Change has to start with you. It births from the courage to face your truth. Frankl eloquently cited, "When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.