Dick butkus video highlights the turkish friend lists. Mingle and clapping my goodness, egyptian by ancestry, on the. Foreigners on the women. For expats in heart and value that is turkish women. Didnt understand my skillful turkish women am new american men just as the fullest.
He is in tourism, a manager of a restaurant I'm falling into the stereotype which I hate , so for him to leave at this point with no prior planning would be difficult and I understand that, just as it would be for me. I know there is NO way to know if this is real until we meet. I just have so many thoughts going through my head and quite honestly, it's now gotten to the core of me and the mere "wanting" to meet this man has me trying to figure out how to change all of my life around Thank you again for the advice, and if anyone else has anything to add, I'm open to hearing your experiences and such.
This is so new to me and even if there are links to Turkish culture, etc.
Dating turkish man in america
Of course, we always want to believe that OUR situation is unique. It may be, but it may not be, and I get that. I would be very suspicious.
How old is this man? Can you do some snooping on his facebook? Does he have lots of foreign female friends and few Turkish friends? I don't want to put you off but wouldn't want you to waste your time unless he's someone worth wasting time on. He does very little on facebook, other than play poker, which is how we met.
The majority of his or so friends appear to be mainly Turkish people he works with and relatives. When he is on facebook, day or night, he will message me and we will chat.
That is not to be naieve and say he isn't doing the same with six other women The jaded female in me is very suspicious. At the same time, the hopeless romantic wants this to be real. As I mentioned, I've sent him no money or anything, nor has he asked.
I mean honestly, can one really get her heart broken by someone she's never met? I suppose it may be, but I'm trying to stay realistic throughout this getting to know him. Again, I don't want to believe this is a "typical Turkish man" whatever that is turning on the charm to lure me into something. There has been no indication of that at all. That being said, I have no way to know what he's doing at work, outside of work and with whom, just as he doesn't know the same about me.
It is what it is. I simply wish there was a question or two I could ask him that would let me know if I'm setting myself up. Of course he could lie. Maybe if I just come out with something like, "you have women falling all over you all day and night I know this obviously wouldn't solidify anything for me, but it may comfort me. I think if he continues to talk about any kind of "future" between us, I need to find out if he is willing to leave his job and his country to be with me, and not just for a visa.
He has no children, and to my knowledge, his parents do not live there his mother is Indian and father is Turkish , so the only thing tying him there would be his job. If I had no kids and didn't have a solid career and honestly believed the love of my life was on another continent 6, miles away, I would explore that without giving it a second thought. I am of the opinion that God didn't put me in Indiana necessarily to find my soulmate here if there is such a thing.
He could be anywhere and he could be him. Then again, he could not be and I could end up heartbroken. Do you see what I wrestle with in my mind every day and night?
You obviously have doubts as you've come here for advice. In my opinion he's just using you as entertainment. He's 45 for goodness sake. You've not mentioned a wife. I don't know what stories he's told you but I'd also question him having an Indian mother knowing how little Turks travel, their attitude to foreigners,especially 50 years ago and their closeness to their families and adherence to family opinion.
Just be careful and as someone else said, do some checking online. You can keep thinking about this for another year. But why waste time. You either decide to not waste another year of your life thinking about it or you go to Turkey as soon as possible.
You can stay in a hotel of course I wouldn't advise you stay at his home or something. If it goes well you will be happy you didn't wait another year and if it goes bad you will also be happy you didn't wait a year. Time is valuable don't waste it thinking of what could be when you can see what it is. You all are right and I am suspicious just by nature. If something or someone seems too good to be true, it probably is. We have continued to talk but have not discussed any future plans at this point.
I think this may just be entertainment. There's a part of me that believes that, and another part of me that I cannot shake that says this could be real. Believe me, if you knew me, you would know I am the most skeptical person when it comes to trusting other people. I think this is the reason for my dilemma. I would love to just pick up and go there for a week to find out, but at this time I don't have the funds to do that, so I guess I will just continue talking to him to see if this is something worth waiting for.
As you mentioned, he sounds just too stereotypical to be real. I mean "works in a restaurant! Do not join the massed ranks of the conned here. To your OP question, you could ask to see his Kimlik to prove that he's not married.TURKISH PEOPLE BEHAVIORS // Foreigner Experience (SO FRIENDLY!)
You mentioned kids- any way to get them to stay with their dad while you and a friend go to Turkey? Getting him to come here would mean that you'd have to sponsor his visa. And do you want him staying at your house??? I'd rather go there than have him all up in my space TaterTot - we are trying to get the Skype working.
There is a problem on my end, so I'm trying a few other things. I do know that his wife has moved back to her home country I can see her FB page so I know that and he says the divorce is in process her FB status now says "Separated". I will ask to see his Kimlik. I probably could get my kids' dad to keep them while I "go on vacation". Does he need a visa to just come here and visit? I thought that was only if he was moving here, but I'm completely unknowledgable about these things.
Thank you for your information. This is my worry. I hate to stereotype anyone, but just from what I've read about Turkish men, especially in tourism, this sounds like it's typical. He still hasn't asked me for a thing, so if nothing else, he's keeping me entertained. He says he is going to come to visit me at the end of the summer after tourist season winds down , "and then we can make our plans" his words.
We will see, I suppose. At this point, no harm no foul. Hi Step,I must say you are quite an adventurer.. Pl don't get me wrong, I just went through your posts at a glance, meaning I have too much to share.. I've used it successfully in the past. He is 45, that means he was born in , his mother is Indian let us assume she was 20 when he was born, this means she was born in - India was coming to terms with their Independence. Incidentally I am ethnic Indian.
GDB, thank you for the information. This is why I am here. I know very little, if anything, about the culture of other countries I'm not very worldly , I just look at people as people and I think in most cases, that is a good thing. I definitely appreciate your input. I honestly have no idea if I will ever meet this man. I just know that he has captured my heart, which may have been his goal from the start. I hope not, but I'm also very aware that is a possibility.
I'm going to take a few weeks and try to really think this through and figure out if this is worth putting any more of my heart and my time into. I've reached a point in my life where I'm just like, "Why not? I thank you all so much for all of the advice. I'll report back when I've figured out what I am going to do.
Trust me, if I had the freedom from my job and the financial resources, I would pick up and just go and get it figured out. It's just not that easy right now. I must say you are quite an adventurer.. Raj, I'm not sure what exactly is written between the lines here Hello Step,I think GDB analysis makes a lot of sense to me, where he is coming from, meaning back in an Indian lady marrying a Turkish man is bazaar. By the way I myself have been a victim to a similar situation a few years ago, to this day I am paying a price for it..
Please just watch out, all I can say.. We have still been talking on a daily basis. We were able to Skype once finally and that was wonderful. After asking more questions, I did find out that his mother is actually Chilean not Indian - my brain messed that up from the accent, I can only guess. Neither of his parents are still living; however, he does have brothers and sisters, all older than he, who also reside in Turkey near him. He does live alone, and has said he would be willing to move here from Turkey if things continue develop for us could this be for a Visa?
Anyway, it has been nice having more time to talk and ask questions. I'm taking things slowly, trying to not ask too many questions all at once, no reason to rush. Of course I still have many questions, but in time I will get my answers. He isn't able to come visit until the end of the summer money , and I can't go there before then, for the same reason.
Still not convinced, yes I have doubts, but I could have them with someone here as well. He is mindful to always ask about my children and how they are doing, and is just a very sweet man. Potentially, I am blindsiding myself, but at least this time, I have my eyes open to that fact. Would you like the opportunity to meet your long-distance love? We are looking for people to participate in a short documentary that would seek to connect people.
My best friend met his girlfriend over Facebook, well all of us told him to be very careful as usually these relations are not real for me at least , but he proved all of us wrong, and now he is happily married to this girl and they are having a wonderful live, but i remember that both of them took things really slow because if you have your concerns, he should have the concerns too, right? I tried to read all my english is not perfect but i think I understood.
What are Turkish Men like - Dating Guys from Turkey
Your last message was in January so how is your relation now? To try or not try don't have regrets!! It would be good to meet him in Turkey for holiday with or without children. I met my Turkish husband on internet, it's not the same situation So, it has been well over a year since I've posted here, but believe me, I haven't forgotten about this man, nor has he forgotten about me.
How are Turkish Men in Bed?
Shortly after my last post in January last year, I started a dating and later was in a LTR with someone local here. This relationship did not work out. Over the course of that relationship, the Turkish man we'll call him Metin, for sake of me repeating "the Turkish man and I have kept in touch. He was very understanding and we kept things on a friendly level, though he always reminded me how much he thought of me, and wanted only to love me and be with me, and never stopped hoping I would come back his way.
Fast forward to today This is the first time we have both been able to see and hear each other in real time.
It was absolutely amazing. He is so complementary, always tells me I am beautiful, builds me up, asks about the kids and how they are doing. I know many girls who having met a Turkish man have a real thirst and curiosity for all things Turkish - but in the end, I think it's good to see faults and pitfalls as well as seeing the good things.
Every culture has its good and bad aspects. Hope everything works out well for you. Wow, you've asked so many questions that it's difficult to know where to start. Firstly, what I would say to you is, try to keep your feet on the ground and let things take their natural course.
You've only been dating this man for just over a month, and as he works such long hours - and there is a language barrier - you'd do much better in getting to know him as a person by going out with him and sharing time together, than by trying to find out every nook and cranny about his culture - when he doesn't even intend on living in Turkey - and is hoping to settle in the US.
I know it's natural to want to discover a little about someone's culture when you start dating someone from a different country, but only having known him for a month I get the impression you're focusing too much on his background, almost as though you're banking on spending the rest of your life with him. It seems terribly quick to want to know all the ins and outs of his culture at such an early stage. I know you say there's a lnaguage barrier between you both, but really, the onus is on him to learn your language - he's the one who wants to settle in the US out of interest, what is he reading for his PhD and what language is he studying it in?
It's also him who needs to learn about your culture and how he'll have to adapt to living and settling in the US. Of course, if your relationship continues, deepens and becomes serious, then you will want to know about his family background etc - just as you would any man. But trying to learn about this man by studying Turkish culture is pointless: Some are very Westernised and some are not; some are very liberal and some are very staunch.
And with all due respect, finding out how to make good Turkish coffee is not going to make him fall in love with you - he'll just think you're a good coffee maker. I can tell you now that my partner who I've been with for 7 years doesn't rate my Turkish cooking skills, but he still loves me despite that, and he still respects me.
When you said your boyfriend told you that Turkish men respect women who cook, clean and go out to work, I'm inclined to think it's more to do with them liking them to clean and cook, than respecting them for it. So if you don't mind me saying this, I'd be a little wary of that statement of his.
It sounds like he's letting you know now what he expects from a wife, and he's sweetening it by saying it's a 'respect thing'. Regarding him paying for you when you go out on dates, all men the world over usually like and expect to pay. There can be instances where the woman does pay her share, but as a general rule the man likes to foot the bill.
So I don't see that as strange or abnormal. In certain circumstances a couple may split the bill, but usually it's the man who pays, so you should stop concerning yourself with that. Besides, he has no qualms about paying, so why are you so worried about it? He wants to pay - so let him. As for him buying you an evil eye, shawl and a shirt for your birthday - I don't think that's excessive.
Incidentally, where did he purchase them from? Do you have a Turkish centre near you? I did notice you saying that you felt he was trying to 'buy you' with gifts - what made you feel that? If you sensed he gave them to you with ulterior motives, it might be worth you delving more into what he actually wants from you.
There's no suggestion at this stage that he's after a green card by marrying a US citizen, but it's something you need to be made aware of. Ultimately, if I were you I would just enjoy dating this man and getting to know him, and allow the relationship to progress naturally Just enjoy your time together and see how things go - it's very, very early days, still Personally I'd never go running after a man to do all things Turkish for him and I've never learnt how to make Turkish coffee although we do go to our neighbours most mornings during the summer for a cup.
Just be yourself and do things you're comfortable with. Too many young women like to rush around and do all things for their man instead of sharing work and then later they are not happy when he has got used to this way of life being waited on hand and foot. Anyway, as Strawberry says, it's early days so take it easy.
Hello Chica, after reading your post earlier this morning I have been thinking all day what other advise to give you but I cant think of anything as everybody have covered it all above. As Strawberry and many others have said dont go doing things for him that make you uncomfortable.
I think he is doing all these things for you as he is comfortable with them and he is just being himself so you should do the same aswell and stop worrying about culture. When I first met my husband 5 years ago I was the same as you and I was so worried about the culture and how would I cope to changes that it made the start of our relationship very stressful for me when I should have been enjoying the early days and taking each day as it came. You have only been seeing each other for a month, would you really worry about an american guy being to much of a gentleman if you were in a relationship with him?
I dont think so. This turk have clearly told you his plans are to stay in the US after he finishes his studies and he sounds pretty westernised to me, well he must be to survive in a country like America. The only thing I will say is to always communicate with each other, if you have a problem with him tell him and make sure he does the same with you. Even if there is a language barrier be patient and dont try finishing sentences for him or thinking they mean 1 thing when he means another.
When I first met my husband he didnt speak alot of english and we had the same problem but slowly slowly we sorted that problem. I hope it goes well for you, just relax and enjoy the relationship. Lots of love Samantha.
I have to agree with many of the above posters, too, chica! My first advice for the coming months: If he says something that makes you feel controlled, in Turkish culture it could be considered a kind of protection. It's up to you to decide if you feel controlled For example, I don't wear miniskirts on the street anymore even in Istanbul.
But when I did dress that way once he left the house first that day I realized that yeah, people stare at me and sometimes try to talk to you. And hey, it makes sense to dress more conservatively--I live here now, and I have a boyfriend. Why the hell should I be flaunting my legs downtown?! More recently, I have expressed desires to travel to Vienna in Sepetmber a place where I have lots of friends.
Because his family would see this as me "not settling down" and in general "being somewhat trampy" we have two options: I don't go, or he lies to them. Which do you think he prefers?? Anyway use these example as a starting point for what I mean: I'm also independent, and being with a Turkish guy I don't understand Atayavie, why you visiting friends in Vienna would be seen as not settling down and somewhat trampy?
People I know regularly visit people in other countries with no negative comments. This definitely smack of control. You are only living with this guy, you're not married or engaged so what's the problem? I was also thinking the same Sunny. I went to Holland last year to visit a friend, couldnt take Harun with me as he didnt have a visa but nobody in his family thought it was wrong. Atayavie, did your boyfriend say his family think it is not showing that you want to settle down and trampy?
What is meant by trampy aswell, I dont see anything about visiting friends and another country trampy! Love Sam xxx ps I really dont mean to cause offence or sound judgemental. Visiting Vienna to see friends is not something that anyone should make you feel odd about. If it results in an argument or a difference of opinion which cannot be understood, then you've learned something important about him and his relationship with his family.
I cannot for the life of me see any reason for you not to go alone if need be, and a 'Turkish person' shouldn't either! My husband would not express any concern about it, except for my safety, and as I've travelled independently for years before I met him, I wouldn't be apprehensive at all, and he knows that. This is an opportunity for you to establish who you are with him Not getting on a bus on your own?
Not going shopping on your own? It's great to be concerned about your well-being and safety, but to control what you wear and where you go? It's not like you're out at night with a big group of women drinking and snogging is it??!!! It's a hard road to navigate, but remember what you consider reasonable is the important thing. As Sam said did his family say that if you went on holiday to see your friends they would see you as "not settling down" etc? My Turkish husband and his family never had a problem with me going to visit family or friends.
I think as Sunny said he may trying to control you, maybe he is jealous that you may have a good time without him or just regards you as his property. I do think if you do decide to go that you should not lie under any circumstance to his family, you have no reason to, and if you want to go you should do so.
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American woman here, and also in a relationship with a Muslim T. Posted July 23, Posted August 1, Posted August 2, Hi Chica, Wow, you've asked so many questions that it's difficult to know where to start.
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