Quiet, empathetic dreamers with huge hearts, INFJs are one of the rarest personality types, which naturally, makes them quite odd. Here are 14 common romantic problems INFJs deal with in their lives. INFJs get frustrated when they make an attempt to connect with someone and the person fails to share their enthusiasm. This leads them to wonder why they even bothered at all and makes them more hesitant to reveal other things about themselves in the future. They want to believe in the best in their partner even if it comes at a cost to their well being. They obviously have their share of faults too, but INFJs are one of the least likely personality types to give up on their partner.
Now that you're looking through rose-tinted glasses, you'll move mountains just to prove that the relationship is all the things you want it to be. If the relationship isn't that great, you'll refuse to see it.
Instead of romanticizing the situation, pay attention to the facts. Just because someone smiles when they see you, doesn't mean that they've fallen for you. And your relationship isn't doomed just because your partner didn't return your text message for two days. It's great that you're idealistic, but whipping up fantasies that don't exist outside your own head can have all sorts of repercussions.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can never live up to your expectations? Or spend the whole relationship glossing over the dark stuff and creating your own blind spots?The INFJ and Dating
The only way to know for sure whether a relationship has potential is to get practical. Have a conversation or fifty before you make any judgments. It's not realistic to expect one person to be perfect, or to give you all the things you need. Even when writing this guide, I'm aware that some tips will work for you, while others will not. INFJs are so special and hard to peg down, it's difficult to give general advice that's meaningful for everyone. And if each INFJ is unique, how their relationships develop will be unique, too.
The fact is, you can't plan love. There's no one thing you can do, or say, or stop doing or saying, that will give you the perfect result. But you don't have to leave love to fate. If you're absolutely clear about what you want, and open up about those feelings, it will significantly increase the chances you will find love, and be loved more fully in return. Jayne is a freelance copywriter, business writing blogger and the blog editor here at Truity.
One part word nerd, two parts skeptic, she helps writing-challenged clients discover the amazing power of words on a page. Find Jayne at White Rose Copywriting. Thank you very much for this practical advice! I have found that when I am clear about my intentions, that guys actually appreciate it! Thanks for sharing with us and I look forward to reading more of your articles.
Because it is not a comfort zone. It is as you see it. But If we do that. We betray our belief. I did my things of course INFJs know. I do love her. However, I've seen some INFJ bashing from other types, since overall we are a rare type, and tend to exhibit symptoms of the "special snowflake" syndrome.
As the author generously noted, since each of us is so unique, we can choose to take what is helpful and leave the rest. And if we identify as INFJ, let's be aware of representing our type in the best light. It's so difficult not to anyway, I mean come on. A crystal glitters from any angle, no matter which way the light hits it: Do INFJs have a sense of humor?
Cuz if not, I'm pulling a JT and bringing funny back, Time to share the love. The only one who can beat that for rarity would be an African albino male infj aka my king. If you see him, tell him I'm in Cali, rallying the troops. The time is near. Top of the list is north korea. FB ceo might just be our leader, and his pretty wife too! Just a side note. Did that turn spammy? Just saw that, lol, while deliberating delete. Feel free to edit, slash everything after "Time to share the love" as off topic.
I leave it to you. Nice to know I'm not the only one. Maybe there are others even lol. We can start a sub-reddit? You are "for Trump"??? You're for Trump, Emanuel Goldstein?
Cuz I am pretty sure he ain't for you. This has got to be the most fascinating thing ever! This was the second I was listening to the developmental stages of infj and that done something!
The reflection and understanding combined must have aligned as I no longer unfortunately at 44 that this is something more! This awakening has allowed me to see. Rust all clear things that have not happened yet but in a clear cut and detailed fashion, I am able to easily seee world systems and details though I am educated, it does help , to a deeper level and all in a fluid motion! Sorry if a few words are out of order!
These thoughts fly out and I misspell because of auto correct lol. Where are INFJs most vulnerable yet strongest? What things are INFJs prone to doing that harm the relationship? And your seventh line I never thought I'd hear someone else professing to think so similarly to me in that way. What is this place that infjs are hurt the most?
Ive done so much reading and everything about infjs relates to me massively. When I read ypur post, I straight away thought 'authenticity'. Your ex lied to you or appeared as something shes not.
Thats what someone did to me, I intuitively knew, but my low self esteem didnt allow me to believe it. I have learnt alot through my experience, but would love someone to be as authentic as I am with them. It seems we infjs can come accross a breathe of fresh aie to some users, and some will do anything to keep you in their lives - even lie and come across as being ready and available when theyre not.
It so damn hurt to know she wasnt 'all in' and just enjoyed my attention, but I could see it coming a mile off. Im new to relationships btw. I would have so been a meaningful friend to her if I could discern where I stood, but because she gave me no clarity I can not stand anywhere with her.
I hate insincerity and deception! Too painfully ambiguous to maintain a connection that has no authenticity, impossible in fact! I was always worried about reading too much into things, it's an enormous fear of mine.
I was never able to trust myself in this particular field. I have no idea how I'm looked upon by other people, especially by women. This is a blind spot for me. After reading your article I'm afraid my self-doubt has reached a new higher level.
All I can do right now is to back away or remain passive in my contacts with potential partners. It's crippling, but there's no way I can trust my own judgement. I signed up just to reply to your comment. The last 3 sentences of your comment sum up the entirety of my love life I enjoy chatting with you.
You were brave and awesome for asking. Hmmm, very helpful and accurate. It feels healthy and clensing to read this. I'm sick of being a far-flung romantic and really crave realistic standards and practicle vision.
I've noticed that I don't become particularly attracted to a woman until I've gotten to know her a bit. We don't necessarily have to be close friends, but I have to feel some level of trust and comfort before I develop any real attraction her. I also have to feel some level of trust before I share the kind of details you won't find on my Facebook page. So while I initially may just be building a genuine friendship, by the time I realize I am attracted to her, I've already been established as a friend, and they always prefer to keep it that way or they are no longer single.
It happened again recently, hence me finding this article. Plus my loner nature doesn't make things easier. Friends and family always tell me I should go out more often and "meet people". I honestly go out enough, just by myself, lol. Plus I've worked retail most of my adult life, I "meet people" everyday.
My internal battery need time to recharge from all these people. I have also genuinely tried putting myself out there and meeting people in social settings where the intention is to find a date, but I am not approachable or my genuine self in those types of settings.
I'm not really sure how I feel about the idea of only one true love being out there for each of us. I'm not desperate for a woman; I am mostly content with who I am as a person, and strive to become a better person each day, but I do desire companionship and eventually a family of my own.
At 30 years old, I'd like to think I'll find her one of these days. It think that it's more difficult these days as dating seems to have become turbo charged and then there is hook up culture and Tinder.
Taking things slowly seems to belong to a long gone era. You seem to be happy in your own skin, which is great. Being in such an environment does drain you over time and leaves you less energy and inclination to meet other people.
How to Date an INFJ
Well, it is not actually a guide, I've already done all that stuff in the past, and the only I've got was a broken heart, again. It's so difficult for me, my friends give me advices but maybe the best for me is to giving myself a me-time and hope for the best. Practically this post says "don't be so INFJ to have a partner". I also happen to be an INFJ. Sadly, I'm too stubborn to actually want to move out of my introverted preferences.
But I'm beginning to cross the fine line between aloneness to lonliness. It's just rather disheartening now. I'm a college student studying what I want to learn, so that takes my mind off of it pretty regularly.
Again, thanks for the read! I think the article shows a pretty good understanding of how INFJs struggle. Reading the comments shows me that I am not alone: As others said, I also think there are potentially compatible people for me, but sometimes I feel like I'm searching for a needle in a haystack: Because of bad experience, I also relate to the comment about " being passive and not trusting one's own judgement": So, it's good to know I am not alone, but that doesn't make the search any easier.
It's also difficult to think I may never find someone: I always find that when things in life become more and more stressful I tend to put myself on the backburner and help other people with their stress. He left again now.
This time for real. I read most of the answers. There are really nice advice from different approaches. I dated a fellow INFJ once. Just occasionally check each other out. The cycle goes until one day, he asked me if we can meet. Thank you for waiting. I said to myself. We went to a coffee shop and decided to stay there. He led the talking and started to discuss things and stuff life, philosophy, cultures and even science like a geek.
We stayed in coffee shop for 3 hours and he dropped me home. He asked if we can meet again next time. Some people may find it boring — Two introverts dating? But if the two INFJs are on the same page; have the same interests, same rhythm and melody — that will be a boring date in a really good way. I am going to be speaking from my personal view as an INFJ male. Hooking up feels systematic, robotic, cold.
Infj and dating
There is no meaning, there is no expression. Why do something that feels like…nothing? When you are displaying your love publicly, you are disregarding people who may not be as lucky as you. Here is a hack for any female who wants to date a male INFJ- ask for their help! In my case, I surround myself with happy and fun people, anything else will make me sick - literally.
Once you earn it however you will be in the inner circle and reap all the benefits thereof. My loyalty is usually deep and lifelong but if you betray my trust there is no forgiveness and no mercy because I have used so much time and energy to figure you out, any deviation from that assessment means I have made a mistake in trusting you in the first place.
Deciphering, analyzing and connecting our feelings happens to be an incredibly difficult thing to do because they are often vague and unclear. The good news is if you are dating an INFJ, that personality is for both of you to explore together. The stronger the INFJ is in their Intuitive and Judging traits, the stronger they are able to pick up on deception so lying to them may be futile. How much they rely on them.
How much they talk about it on daily bases. I date people because I like the way they treat me. MBTI thing, does not conform to many of the basic standards expected of psychological tests.
Meaning there is evidence that there are 16 unique categories in which all people can be placed. There is no evidence that scores generated by the MBTI reflect the stable and unchanging personality traits that are claimed to be measured. And of course, there is no evidence that the MBTI measures anything of value. You see, Isabel Briggs Myers nor Katherine Briggs the ones who created this test had any formal psychological training.
Sure, many symptoms are the same but would you take your medication based on what internet has told you to?
Try this one yourself, take the test today and write your result. Take the same test next week and write the result as well. Try your best not to be biased. I tend to date a guy that respects me, makes me happy, shares the same interests, like physics, astronomy and math and is an imaginative person similar to me. Can one of my dates be an INFJ? Do I know if one of them was? I choose based on treatment, and not personality type. I do hope no one will get angry or offended.
I just stated my opinion. Best and worst relationship ever. He's moody, emotional, overly judgemental and often it takes weeks to convince him to be logical rather than irrational about his 'feelings for things. That being said he is kind, honest, loving, gentle, loyal, respectful and private. As an ENFP, we make sense and understand each other completely. Since I was in several romance relationship, most my exes say that I was too sensitive, holding back too often, and contradiction.
Well, it could be true. An ex asked me, Should I really say I love you everyday? And blame my self for it. But in some case, I can be emotionally numb. Some people will call me unstable or wishy-washy. Heart and brain fighting too often. Second later, Eh, hey.
You both can discuss about it. If you have or want date an INFJ, get lucky! INFJs are very deep emotional intuitives- they have massive emotional intelligence and form very deep bonds with others. They are generally very selfless and feel guilty for wanting anything for themselves. INFJs look the most hideous personal problems and things that society likes to hide directly in the face - then they do something about them.
Be prepared not to be allowed to sit on the sidelines. An INFJ without a cause - either planning self-improvement or helping an unfortunate they know - feels trapped. If life is not moving forward then life is pointless - this often happens when, as a partner, everything seems to be going great.
They become depressed and can get quite dark. The solution to this is help them get started on planning what next or finding someone who needs their help. This slightly bonkers aspect is probably what keeps me as an ENTP coming back for more.
What is it like to date an INFJ male and female? Hitting "forgot password" more than "login"? Read this to learn how Dashlane makes forgotten passwords a thing of the past. You dismissed this ad. The feedback you provide will help us show you more relevant content in the future. Answered Aug 28, And that is how fulfilling a date with INFJ is. Have you done the 10k year challenge? Advance through the ages of human history and into the future in this award-winning city building game.
What is it like to date an INFJ female? How does an INFJ male differ from their female counterpart? Which personality is the most compatible with the INFJ females?
What are some dating tips for INFJs? Answered Jan 31, Based on my experience: As a non-native English speaker, how can I improve my accent? Updated Apr 17, I want to summarize whole answers and add one. Here are the suggestions for improving accents: Answered Oct 14, First off, I love my boyfriend so deeply, probably more than I can even express to him.
There are times when I think about him and get surges of emotional affection that are so powerful I feel a little taken aback.