How often do you text with a girl you're casually dating? Met this woman about a month ago we've been on about 5 dates -- nothing physical just yet but we really enjoy each others company. She's not much of a texter and I find myself initiating conversations in most cases. I find myself just texting her for no real purpose and the conversation kinda dies I think I'm just used to "checking in" with her because that's what I'm used to i'm a serial monogamist and coming off a 2 year relationship. She on the other hand has been single for 5 years she's 35 years old, I, 29 and really independent. There are days she will just go out and not even check her phone -- she has her list of things to do and she will go out to do them.
The Rules Of Texting (Explained By Guys)
Don't turn it into a lengthy chat for no reason, it's clear she isn't into that or she'd be texting you first. For the most part, we save our real conversations for phone and in-person dates, but we text "good morning" and "good night," share memes, flirt, and rehash dumb inside jokes via text. Texting is something that varies from person-to-person, though.How Often Should We See Each Other If We're In The Early Stages Of Dating? - Gloriaa0214
At this point, I think you should be comfortable enough with her to casually ask how she feels about it. Yeah, you're probably just overthinking things. Maybe hang out with some friends this week so you have a distraction.
You shouldn't be texting her just to "check in". Plus sounds like your just one of the guys she's seeing. You need to be busy with your own activities and not rely on her. If your busy you won't need to text her. Wow im in this situation too, ive learned to only txt if its important information and urgent.
But everything counts when shes in front of you. Am not wild into texting, too. If you have something plan for example on a saturday, text her on a friday for confirmation.
Text her on a saturday that you getting ready and stuffs like that. If she doesn't want to text let her be, as someone else mentioned she's behaving the way you should. Your advice is not bad inherently, it's just not best for this context. In other words it all depends on the person whether or not the advice is good. Made the mistake in my first properly casual relationship of texting a bit too often without talking about going out or meeting at each others places.
But hey I've learned to not do this. A bummer that she was crazy hot. Then I wait for her to reach out. I've been on dates and we go three days or so without texting. It's not unusual and it doesn't mean they're not interested.
And any deep conversations need to happen in person. I tried my best to comply but things burned out a bit fast. It's probably an age thing and I tried my best to explain I couldn't be bothered every minute of the day but in the end it did push me away.
Don't be her, OP. In my experience I'd rather have a relationship based on seeing eachother x a week as opposed to texting 7 days a week.
It's more real, more fun, and more interesting. Good luck and put down that phone! Close your room lights and then close your eyes and be silent. Then repeat "why do I do this to myself? Personally speaking, it doesn't really matter how busy she says she is. Women practically have their phones attached to their hand. I dated A woman who had four kids, a business, meetings here and there, and was involved in other groups or activities If a woman really likes you, she'll make time for you.
Don't initiate conversations if you don't feel like her interest level is low. Listen to your intuition. I dated someone who was a terrible texter, she had other issues so we broke up but besides the point. What helped me is I asked her if I could call her once a day and she agreed and that helped a lot. Id call her around 5pm and just check in that way, and then move on with my day.
It's not wrong to check in, if she seems bothered by it then sure back off but if she doesn't seem annoyed by it then cool. Ultimately id check in with her to make sure you aren't annoying her, communicating your feelings with someone is very important even is you're just casually dating.
Talk to her coming from a place of you just want to make sure you two are as comfortable as can be. Bringing it up once is fine, it can be refreshing to a girl. My therapist actually helped me out with this conundrum on the current girl im dating. I texted the girl "Hey am I texting you too much, I just want to feel comfortable when we are communicating or however you would put it. We thinks its weird because that is how we perceive it but it isn't that weird to make sure that you are on the same page as the girl you're dating.
If she finds it weird well that is on her not you. If you arent communicating well with someone, you'll probably get ghosted because the other person doesnt know ot is assuming whats going on. If you get ghosted for asking what the other person thinks is the best way to contact them then that person is a bit shallow. Also there is a difference between bringing it up once and constantly asking if the way you're talking to them is alright. During the first two weeks or so I text maybe every other day or something, but it drops off quickly to pretty much only texting in order to make more plans.
I just don't like texting much because it's very distracting at work, and also it's such an inefficient way to communicate. Dude I hate texting. I have become super turned off of people I was in early stages of dating who, despite my telling them I hate texting and like to use the phone as a medium to arrange to meet up, text me just to 'check in'.
I have other, more important shit to do with my time than be glued to my phone. I have a job, and friends, and hobbies, and already insufficient time in the day so I hate wasting time on my phone if I can avoid it. If you want her to not hate you the way I would probably hate you for that I note my dislike of texting is a bit more extreme than the usual, but it tends to follow a specific conversation about how I don't like texting and the dude ignoring that entirely , send her a quick "Hey!
I've been thinking about you, hope you're having a great week: Looking forward to Saturday! When you've been dating a while and your actual lives are vaguely entwined then checking in is more normal. In early stage dating it's super unnecessary and really annoying to some of us. This is good stuff. No pressure text but also let's them know you're still interested.
As an anxious dater, I know how you feel. My ex's have always been really big texters, so we'd text all day and most of the evening. Of course those relationships didn't work out, but it had nothing to do with the texting frequency. So now I'm dating a guy that texts infrequently. Still checks up on me a few times a week but we don't have marathon texts like my past relationships. It was worrisome at first, but I've tried to be more laid back about it like he is.
And it turns out, it's actually been good for us, and also helped me to be a little more patient. I don't feel the need to self sabotage myself when I don't get new notifications from him. We make plans over text and then spend quality time together. We also have more things to talk about in person since we didn't talk about it to death over text.
You sound like a great guy, and I definitely get where you're coming from, but I know how much it irritates me to have that sort of burden of making conversation while I'm at work put on me. However, if I like someone, I love just hearing from them in a no obligations kind of way: And you're quite right haha, nobody with a soul would be upset by that! Im 35 and I'm a really bad texter, I even had to put a section on both OKC and Tinder about how I'll leave my phone at home at lot, it's always on silent, etc because so many guys got all pissy about the hours in between replying.
I'm just bad at owning a phone! That said, I like a phone calls. I was born in the 80s and I like talking to boys on the phone. You can hear tone, laughter, and genuine answers to questions, infinitely better than silly texting!!! Sounds like you've been hard trained by your 2year relationship and you need to reassess how you want to be now. Texting didn't exist in its current form 10 years ago. People only started carrying phones around with then everywhere about 10 years before that.
Some people never jumped on that train. I wish the train had crashed and destroyed the track along with it. Texting is the perfect form of self-entitled communication. I know you know I texted, so you are obligated to respond at some point. Life without the excuses of "I must have been out when you called" or "The cat must have knocked the phone off the hook" is just a little harder than it needs to be.
I never apologize for not texting back right away. My phone is supposed to be convenient for me, not everyone else. Hey there, I see a lot of controversial answers here. I would just ask her if it bothers her if you text her too often. That she isn't much of a texter and is not good at keeping text-conversations going doesn't have to mean that she does not enjoy getting texts from you. Just texting her a couple of times throughout the week shouldn't do any harm, and won't make you look needy, only like you care.
Good luck to you. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic. This scenario sounds like she's just not that into you. I don't know your situation, but I just can't see her interest when you factor in that y'all have been on 5 dates and she's not interested in anything physical and not interested in texting you. There are some people who simply see someone they're going on dates with as 'a way to pass the time' rather than a potential partner.
I personally don't think it's a good idea to text a girl you're talking to for shits and giggles unless either y'all have known each other for a long time and have developed a rapport or if y'all have already been physical and have developed some kind of connection that way.
Once again, really sorry if my comment comes off as rude, it is not my intention. I just don't want you being too invested in what looks like a bad situation from my outside perspective. Maybe try limiting the texting to simple messages "Hey: Good morning" etc then do your own thing, perhaps turn the phone off or go in silent mode for a few hours to be unavailable. Hang out with your friends, take in a movie solo or with friends, etc.
I get anxious about the communication stuff when I am dating - "Is she busy? She must be ghosting me. As you've said, she's 35 and has an aura of independence around her so maybe just give her space.
Flip the above feelings around onto her and make her want to hear from you. It may take some time, though. I wouldn't also recommend a good night text unless you've been texting throughout the day with her. Stick to "Good Morning" every other morning and see if she responds. Make plans with her for Friday or some time when you're well again, and put the phone down after the plans were confirmed.
My advice is to just try to control yourself and limit it to making plans. I'm seeing a girl casually now who I'm not really THAT into and we rarely text aside from making plans. Part of the reason is me not really being into it anymore, the other is that I'm just busy also I'm seeing other people. I've basically learned this from a prior casual thing where it ended because I was probably too clingy with the "checking in".
All women are different though. I just wanted to say you're doing it exactly right.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder? When people become too available they are no longer a challenge. Both men and women desire what they can not have. The trick is being available enough without overbearing. That line is always on a spectrum and I firmly believe the less available party dictates that line less attraction, more busy, there's always a pusher and a puller.
I'd never suggest games, but yes, stay busy with life and eventually you're no longer able to be the clinger. My advice tho Jester, when you see her don't lead on the 'not that into you' vibe.
Still keep it fun. I'm trying to do that with all my dates but unfortunately, there are women who I get clingy with haha. Stop initiating texts before you chase her off. I date a couple of guys.
How often should you text someone you started dating
Only one do I talk to every day and that's only bc he's funny. Even he gets on my nerves. When she texts me with something requiring an answer or if I need to exchange information easily conveyed over text. Pretty much the same I do with anyone. We started texting heavy because we met online.
We texted almost every day for about two months until we finally met each other. After we met each other and have hung out about five times our texting has died down a lot. But I keep reminding myself that 1. So that just leaves texting every now and then to Wish him a good day at work or good luck on a doc appointment if he mentioned it before hand.
Or something funny that reminds me of him. She does seem interested. Just more old school. But i would say at least check in once a week.
Or hang out once a week. Why did you guys text for a whole two months this before meeting? They seems like an awfully long amount of time, especially if y'all are in the same area.
If I match with someone on tinder I'll text at most a few days before meeting them but not any longer. I can have excellent conversations over text but no passion in conversation so for me it could just be a big waste of time. The first month we were just trying to get to know each other.
I think these rules are also reflective of the relationship you have with someone. Ultimately, I think there is a general set of baseline rules that most people follow — like being polite, funny, respectful — and then the rest just falls into personal expectations. There was a clear divide here. You know pretty quickly if someone is into you or if you are into them. I have noticed over past years even females have been more aggressive in pursuit.
Ben, 27, sheds more light on the appeal: I think everyone can agree that the more time and effort you put into someone, the more interested you are. But being hard to get is definitely a game and. I think it totally depends on the type of person you are. Ben, 27, wants a more creative conversation starter.
We have a consensus here — everyone answered no. No surprises here — Weekday texts are more conversational, and are meant to serve as distractions while at work. They are also sober texts usually. Ben, 27, cautions the tipsy texters: Ben, 27, is our breath of fresh air. Anything that means they were thinking of me e. David, however, appears well-versed in it. However, sometimes ghosting is the simple solution to an online dating match gone bad.