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These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
It's probably worth mentioning that physical touch is my main love language and I feel really hurt and rejected when my loved one abstains from physical affection and I'm scared that I may become defensive or bitter in the future when he does resume physical contact - I may not be able to respond without feeling some sort of inhibition since right now I also feel offended that he just gets to decide rule change without really asking me what I think he knows this but says that I should be able to feel love in other ways and that emotional and spiritual connection are far stronger and more important than the physical aspect.
I understand where he is coming from remaining pure and fleeing from all temptation so better not touch at all and that he feels there has been a bit too much physical affection he is giving to me so he wants to cut back but I don't agree about cutting everything off. Do you guys think I should just submit on this one I tend to go for the more compromise or I'm more concerned about being free in Christ and in harmony than being "right" approach but I'm scared it might indulge his extreme mindset and think it's okay.
Or suddenly going from some physical affection back to none? Like x 2 List. We teamed up with Faith Counseling.
Cutting off physical intimacy in dating
Can they help you today? Oct 6, 2. My husband and I are not legalistic in our faith, but I'll share our experience. We abstained from sexual activity before marriage but did hug and kiss.
We dated for 16 months and were engaged for 4 months. While temptation was there, we discussed our boundaries and knew we wouldn't cross them. He was 29 and I was 22 when we started dating 31 and 24 when we got married , and we did spend time alone together because we each had our own place at the time I was in a grad student apartment.
We went to church and prayed together. We had faith in each other's ability to resist temptation. For me, it would be a little extreme to prohibit hand-holding.
I don't consider it sexual, just affectionate, reassuring, sweet, etc. I understand you on feeling a little offended. Have you told him that you feel that way?
I can see how scaling back on physical affection might feel strange, kind of like taking a step backwards. I truly believe that talking all of this out is really important. Communication is essential to marriage, so it's best to start the habit beforehand. I'm not sure your views on this, but my husband and I did discuss sexual expectations etc prior to marriage.
It's my belief that if you're going to get married, you do so with your eyes wide open and with no taboo topics between you. Like x 1 List. Oct 6, 3. Oct 6, 4. Oct 6, 5. Oct 6, 6. Yes premarital counselling will happen somewhere down the track before or after engagement.
I think it is interpretation differences - whilst I see hand holding as a kind gesture of affection, he thinks it can lead to something more sexual. Whilst I think my female body parts sexual organs are designed by my Almighty God for a great purpose to be enjoyed, proud of and to be embraced , he sees it as a temptation to sin and therefore should never come into contact with a man outside of marriage e.
I think as time goes by, I'm feeling more ashamed of my body, sexuality and desires which I have been earnestly trying to communicate to him about. I'm fighting this battle to not be shamed and yet to remain modest so it's almost like asking for physical affection is immodest because I should ideally be upholding strict physical boundaries to remain pure but then I think we are idolising purity rather than looking forward to uniting our sexual identity after marriage Oct 6, 7.
Oct 6, 8. Yes I know it's not right to be shamed but it's hard when you are surrounded by messages such as women should dress modestly because of their brothers in Christ attributing lust to women's responsibility rather than being a pleasing sacrifice to God who gave us this body. I have talked to my family about it and since they know more details they think the whole thing is absurd there are other "rules" which they cannot stand even though they are Christians too They suggest that I take a stand and stop being so nice or docile and actually point out where he has gone wrong but as you know, people don't like being told they are not right and maybe we are both right in our own minds and I usually just bring this to the Lord in prayer and each time the Lord opens my eyes to what I can do to help the situation despite my frustration.
So through much deliberation, I think I will continue to communicate but if he still does not budge, I may need to really put Romans 14 into practice - accommodating for those with different opinion rather than quarrelling and not judging those who abstain in this case, physical touch. Oct 6, 9. You brought up a few interesting things in your post.
At one end of the scale is the radical fundamentalist Christian who will save all forms of affection -- even holding hands -- for after marriage; and at the other end is the more liberal Christian who will allow public expressions of affection, like kissing, as long as it comes with certain boundaries. For most Christians there is no sex before marriage, but the battle lines are drawn when it comes to what other forms of affection are allowed.
The issue for many is whether it is possible to feel affection for someone; such affection that will make you contemplate marriage, yet you aren't allowed to show that affection until the wedding day when you're expected to transform from emotionless to affectionate.
My husband didn't once tell me that I was attractive. All he spoke about was the Bible during our courtship.Biblical Romance: Physical Intimacy
He said God had led him to me, and after speaking to my pastor, I accepted his request to date. I wasn't really attracted to him either but I knew he would be a good provider. Then on the wedding night, suddenly he couldn't get enough of my breasts, my hips, my lips.
Suddenly the marriage bed was undefiled and we could do anything, watch anything on cable. And it was very difficult to move from being pious to playing the role where my husband expects me now to be an expert at sex and pleasing him, because he suddenly can't get enough. That is a hard pill for me to swallow, because no matter how saved and sanctified you are, there is something called reality.
Christian dating physical intimacy
Reverend Peter Garth, president of the Associated Gospel Assemblies, said God thought up and created the attraction gift, so nothing is wrong with attraction. In terms of dating, a hug creates bonding and it can also enhance a relationship, so you have to be careful where you go from there and exercise discipline.
And Reverend Karl Johnson, general secretary of the Jamaica Baptist Union, said it is not the norm for intimacy -- meaning closeness, tenderness, affection, caring, among other things -- to just 'appear' after saying 'I do'. Reverend Carla Dunbar, marriage, sex and family therapist said once the action arouses you sexually, you should refrain from it.
She said while we are human beings and will feel affection for each other, it is important that as Christians, God is pleased.
Dunbar also cautioned young Christian daters to date in places where they are least susceptible to temptations. Rodriguez said Christians have to draw a line between lust and admiration, but shouldn't have to keep their feelings in a closet until the wedding day.
But in all fairness there is a thin line between lusting and admiration, however, you should not allow yourself to go over the edge.
Below, denominational leaders offer more advice on what's acceptable in intimacy before marriage: We tell our young people to keep themselves pure and to not indulge in fondling and other sexual things. In terms of intimacy we often say, 'To what extent? As it pertains to kissing, I believe that kissing is an upstairs invitation to a downstairs situation and it is best to save yourself for your spouse. To safeguard yourself it is best to be in the company of someone else.
Remember this is not a cartoon where you can stop and rewind. You can get carried away and reach a point of no return, so exercise wisdom.
But you have to be careful of the time you spend alone as it is very easy to reach a point of no return. When a woman is being kissed, her resistance is limited, then it will become difficult for the man to hold back. Don't lean to the edge; know your breaking point and have a balance system. Intimacy is a vital part of a relationship where marriage is being considered. The issue at hand therefore is, 'Are there ways of expressing this 'intimacy' before the covenant of marriage which we would advise against?
We believe that certain expressions of intimacy are best shared within the context of a covenantal relationship that speaks to permanence, commitment and exclusivity. While we have been vocal on the issue of the 'physical' especially as it manifests itself in sexual intercourse, we may want to consider that other expressions of intimacy could well be cautioned against, including, for example, intimate social, financial, business arrangements which are entered into expressly because there is an expectation of marriage.
As it relates to the physical, it is becoming increasingly difficult to hold up the notion of abstinence and not only among the young, due to the increasing 'vagina-centricity' of the times in which we live.